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An Urgent Plea |
To: rickyrockinroller@kixx.com Dear Mr. Ricky Rockin' Roller: I listen to your show with great interest all the time. My neighbor is this really old lady with an aluminum walker and when she's pushing her SuperCan to the curb on trash days I can get your station really well, sometimes for almost an hour (round-trip)! Anyway, I was wondering if you knew ABBA. You see, I work for this guy in the U.K. (you know, like where Petula Clark came from) who's incredibly wealthy and has a mansion and some kind of title to boot, and he has this advice column on the World Wide Web. He really really really wants me to meet Frida. She's the dark-haired ABBA woman. You're probably thinking I'm just saying he wants me to meet her, just using his incredibly powerful title to get my way, but really, he does. Want me to meet her, that is. Since you're a DJ, do you know her, and could you give me her phone number? (Frida, I'm talking about.)
V. Briceland P.S. I called the station many times hoping to win one of those KIXX jackets you were giving away but the phone was always busy. As the employee of a Sir, I think you should remedy this situation for me. P.P.S. If you don't know Frida, Dusty Springfield will do.
To: wbricel@gopher.science.wayne.edu Dude! Had Kylie my assistant check you out, man, to make sure you weren't some wacko. I mean, c'mon, ABBA. They're like, dead, ain't they, man? Anyhoo, Kylie said you must be legit. And then, like, inspiration city! Royals are hot, man! Di! Fergie! All those others! And I thought, Ricky, my man, you are brilliant. You are so way up there, man! This Sir's surfin' the Web with royal 'tude! He's a CyberLord! He's a pumpkin carriage on the information highway! He's gotta be with it! He's gotta be young! He's gotta be a radical, digital wizard of Oz! So get this dude to do his advice on the radio already! We'll bill him as Sir Chaz, dress him in Armani, give him a hip 'do for the TV ads. . . it'll be James Bond! It'll be MTV! Or at least VH1, anyway. So what do you think? Get me the Brit and I'll get you Frida (yeah, we go way back, man. She and me were hot stuff when she was on tour and I was in third grade!!! Whoo doggie the stories I could tell you!!!).
Keep on truckin' |
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